


Counting Bodies Like Sheep

by vinniebatman



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angst, M/M, References to Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-09
Updated: 2013-04-09
Packaged: 2017-12-07 23:25:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/754318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinniebatman/pseuds/vinniebatman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every night, Xander asks Spike the same question.  And every night, Spike gives him the same answer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Counting Bodies Like Sheep

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts: Base on the following quotes: I'm not what you hoped ~ Charles Semones // The Ravisher  
> I am no prince, I am no saint, I am not anyone’s wildest dream / But I can stand behind and be someone to fall back on. ~ Jason Robert Brown// Someone To Fall Back On  
> Disclaimer:I hired a pack of ninjas to kidnap Joss; he was threatened with hotpoker torture, chainsaws, and an exorcism. I now own all. Thank you.*Doctor's Note: Patient exhibits delusions of grandeur and any claimsof ownership are pure fantasy. No harm is meant. Seriously, it's betterthan her throwing rocks at people.*  
> Beta: The fabulous suki_blue !  
> A/N: Title is from the song "Counting Bodies Like Sheep" by A Perfect Circle.

Xander sits on the bed, knees pulled tight to his chest in the darkness. As Spike walks further into the room, he goes against his instnicts and makes noise, noise that doesn't raise a reaction. Xander doesn't move, doesn't stir. His heart is quiet, lungs still. He'd died, and a weeping Willow and pale Buffy had begged for Spike to turn their friend. So he'd done it, taking the boy who had shone like the sun and burying him in the darkness. As the years passed, Buffy died and Willow followed far too soon. And over time, Spike had become connected to his childe, loving the boy who'd died decades ago. 

Xander's body kept moving though his unbeating heart was broken. Dawn died, a grandmother surrounded by children. Now Xander's eye is flat, the sparkle so long gone that Spike needs pictures to remember it. The kindest thing would be to stake him, but Spike has never been fully kind or fully selfless. Xander is his childe and Spike can't bear to let him go despite the misery that pours from his brown eye. 

The knowledge of what he's done, of what he's condemned and cannot free Xander from, burns almost as sharply as the fires the inside the Hellmouth once had.

He kneels on the bed and wraps his arms around Xander's waist before placing a sucking kiss on the back of his neck. He wasn't anything that Xander wanted, neither human nor female. Xander was being forced to continue when all he wanted was to fade away. Spike lays their bodies onto the bed, his arms curled around his childe, restraints. As the sun prepares to rise outside, a whisper almost too soft for Spike to hear breaks the silence.

"Please let me go."

"I can't."


End file.
